leading a life with God by my side

Years back,dated around the year 2004, my life was at the dawn of disaster...i started to move out from the umbrella of my Father n lead a life that was not pleasing to him...blinded by the things of the world and honestly speaking I was definitely a rebel...everyday I was at the battle ground with my mom and vulgar words just filled my vocabulary...i quited youth church and my life was at the brim of hell...many times God reached out to me but I pushed Him aside...life was miserable and I thought,"Hey, I will be ok."....suicidal thoughts flooded my mind...one day when I laid the knife before me, I just couldnt do it...I broke down and cried...things happened but d person I thought I could turn to juz landed itself at d cyber cafe with friends....I cried and then I realised that God was always with me and He will never fail me...

When I was awaked and came to realisation, a year since then has flown past....months towards PMR was drawing near...I knelt down on my knees and cried....begged for forgiveness...God even told me that when I was in the storm, He was with me and whatever happened has purposes...one of them is to bring me back to my senses...letters and gifts from "it" was thrown out and I was determined to lead a life with God always as my guide....when I went back to youth church,people tend to look at me with prejudice...gossips spread like wildfire...those times were rough...I acted tough on d outside but behind locked doors I wept....Pris was d the one who made me return to youth church...I still remember that I took her to the PCC Open Day and she dragged me to go with her...n when my honey saw me that day,he couldn't recognise me...*hmm*(that time we wont together yet)..that year God really blessed me...I got top 5 in class for the entire year and not to mention my PMR results were great...

As days passed, I asked God whether any man of God will love and accept me juz as I am even accept me for the past mistakes that i have done....in my heart, I was ready to be single for the rest of my life but deep inside I still want to get settled down in life....it was 15.12.2005....Me and dear was busy sewing sequins onto Christmas costumes for others...we watched nanny together and at the same time texted til dawn....our conversation started to lead to prom n he said his school can bring date to prom....I replied so who are you going to bring then....the text that came back read as this..."the person I bring will be d person I loved...and I am gonna bring you.."...I was stunned...when I recovered my senses...I hesitated whether to let him know the truth...I told him I had a past,really dark one...but he declared that he will still love me...that was how we got together....actually we reconciled after nearly 4 years...

Since then, my honey has been a great blessing to me...he is like an angel that God sent from above...a promise that God fulfilled in my life....he showed me what love in 1Corinthians 13 means....love s always kind, patience....when the past haunts me, he holds my hand and prays for me....when I am sick, he calls and prays over the phone...one time, he even bought me yummy porridge and fed me in bed....when i am frustrated and show tantrums, he will tell me that he is there and everything is going to be fine...he even do all he can to cheer me up...when no one appreciates me, he will find a way to show appreciation...when people bully me, he stands up for me...when I cry, he lends me a shoulder and sometimes cry with me....what on earth can replace him?...I really thank God for him and everyday I treasure this gift given from on high...and knowing that God is a merciful,loving,faithful God....and He is always awesome...and I am more than willing to lay down my life for Him...I will always put Him first and love Him above all else...God is the best!!!

**PS.Honey, I love you and thanks so much k?...

~esther~