25.02.2009

After months long of battle with last stage of colon cancer, she finally drew her last breathe on 25/02/2009 @ 12.35 pm. As I stood there and see her 'dosing off', tears just rolled down my cheeks. Despite the chantings that were going on, my dear never failed to continue to pray in tongues. When we were called to her bed side to hold her hand, no words could be formed as I try to hold back my tears. Her best friend continuely persuaded us to tell her that she is going to see Buddha and all is going to be well but in my heart, I was screaming at the obnoxious lady, "Hey! I do not want her to go to hell!". Like usual, my dear kept his composure, he told her, "You don't worry about us, we are going to be fine. And we are here to be with you." Nothing was utter by her, but she was clinging on to her life. When the clock strucked 12.25 pm, the nurse could not feel her pulse anymore. The machine that was used to check her pulse has also stop responding. The chantings grew louder while me,dear and Aunty Molly, stood aside; tears were rolling down uncontrolably. Yee Yee is gone. No more good meals with her, no more her welcoming me or dear back when we go over to her house, no more her calling me by my chinese name...

As I rewind back to the recent weeks, many events have taken place. Firstly, it is the persecution she faced that she has to keep her good news of being a Christian to herself. The day the family fought, I was told about the event and I rushed to the hospital with dear. I held her hand and told her, "Yee Yee, you don't worry. I love and treat you like my own family. They will be fine. Don't aggravate your sickness. After you are discharged from the hospital, we shall go for your favourite meal." She replied in cantonese, "Good. They do not what is going on but I have accepted Christ. (however, the part of her salvation, she said it really softly, practically inaudible). Huey Shuen, you are very good and the only one here now that understands me. Yee Yee loves you very much." At that moment, she was still very conscious and alert. However, me and dear did not dare to say much about her salvation as we do not want to worsen the fight.

Saturday(21/02/2009) came by, after my class, I had this urge that me and dear have to go to the hospital. After much persuasion, dear gave in and we made our way there. As usual, I was pulled aside to listen to the family squabbles. That night, there was a sudden thunderstorm and dear came out of her room to call us back as Yee Yee has woke up. When I saw her, she was complaining about the dreadful pain. The pain was not eliminated by a previous dosage of pain killer. For the first time, she requested for more and a larger dosage of painkiller. We were relunctant to give her an extra dosage, but she held my hand and said, "NO. I need it now. Give it to me!" After discussion, I told the family that we should respect her wishes. Despite the pain, she was able to nag us for not listening to her. And we even teased her back admitted that all of us are being naughty. The nurse came and gave her the injection. Minutes later, she lost conscious and her eyes were rolling upwards. We yelled at her but there was no reply. She was later given oxygen. She specifically called for me to go to her bedside. I can see in her eyes that she wanted to speak but she has no strength to do it. I held on to her and said that once she is fine, we will go for abalone and shark fin soup. She laughed. And I told her, " Yee Yee, you must live a long life to see Joseph & me get married and have kids." She smiled and there was a glow on her face. Soon, the medicine kicked in and she slowly fell asleep.

That night, I was aware that death is coming to get her. But selfishly, I did not want her to leave though I know she will going to a place fear from pain and suffering. Since that night, she has nightmares regarding dead people and was sleepless. Slowly, she grew weaker in matter of days but when she sees me, she will always ask whether I am cold or have I eaten or "eh!You finished work d?". Her usual question would be "Huey Shuen, what time is it?" And then, she would tell me what she wants whether it be that she wants to sleep, drink or take her medicine.

Tuesday, I went to be with her in the afternoon while the rest of the family prepare the house for the funeral. She barely talked and her body was really bloated. As usual, she will call me and tell me what she needs. When I left, she has slept. That was the last moment I had alone with her. In the evening, I called Aunty Molly and she assured me that Yee Yee admitted she accepted Christ. That was a sign of relief.

Yesterday morning, I received a call at 10.30 am saying that she is not doing fine and the doctors have stamped the expiry date on her. I prayed and began to clear my work so that I could make my way there. At 11.30 am, another call came and said she is very critical, please come ASAP.

After she passed away, I was left in her house with the maids and those people who were setting up the tents. As the memories of her began to flood my mind, I cried. I can see her in her favourite chair always sleeping but she would be alert when I come back with ot without dear. The times I used to go out for lunch with her. The CNY reunions and the recent one we spent with her. Those nights including New Year's Eve that me and dear slept in the hospital with her.

When I am writing this post, tears are welling up. I shall write no more. One thing for sure, I am going to miss her.

~Esther~