these few months,in fact it has been nearly a year since I hide from God. I know this may sound cliche but it is the fact. Every time I go to church, I just put a smile on my face and just letting the problem lay behind my mind. Life was always good and God was so faithful but I have been selfish as I put my own dreams and worldly desires swarm me. Actually this was how it begun...
The year was 2006 and that was when we had Cheq Up conference. The second night, the pastor asked if anyone of you felt led by God to serve full-time, come and I will pray for you. The speaker prophesied that I would be a minister and my heart is for our church. That was 2 years ago....when my SPM results were out, I started laying off my calling and pursued my dreams...I knew I was going down the wrong road but I held on. College life was hard and I even stopped going for a while for I really felt like Jonah running away from God. Time to time when I go for altar calls, the Lord will prophesied again about my calling and in my heart, I can hear Him say 'When will you serve me?'...I really didn't know how to answer. As time goes by, God was something far away and my heart got stony and cold...As I worked on my own dreams, God was still faithful, I did well for my A-Levels and lecturers were shocked as I did self study. Daily, I will dream of getting rich, having my kids dressed in beautiful clothes, have a walked-in closet, my very own BMW, a great home and sending my kids to private school and overseas...lastly, I even went further in going against God's will when I decided to go to UK and live there permanently. Whenever I think of that, the thought of losing all my desires once I serve God will flood my mind....I seriously knew that I have went wrong, but yet still reluctant to turn back....
Today, I saw people being tormented by spirits...since young, my dad told me stories about deliverance based on his experiences...don't play with my dad,though he is a smart business man, he did deliverance before and he got certificate from Bible school for leadership...I knew spirits were real as I have seen it before...but yet, I am still stubborn. Today one of my college mate got delivered and again, God asked me bout my calling. Today, I decided to not be Jonah anymore. Pastor Rajan, again confirmed God's calling,he said that I was meant to reached out to the lost souls in Penang. NOW, I seriously need prayers...I need to make major decisions in my life...mock exams are next week and then I will have my finals...if I have to quit law, I need wisdom to break the news to my parents....my mind s still confused...just pray for me...
esther
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2 comments:
a time of awakening for all of us =)
Esther.
I trust God has plans for all of us.
And you need not need to feel totally useless in enrolling in such programs. I know i sound hard to understand, but look at this way.
If you get a law degree, and you go bible school. You come out as a minister. You will be able to use your law skills and knowledge in bringing a change in our land.
You will know the ins and outs of the constitution, and know our rights. And What is better? You are doing God's work.
Well, i am not saying what God spoke to you is true or otherwise, and he might be. I just don't know. But i think we all do need a secular degree. check that with God in prayer. i might be wrong.
I dun think God will call you out, ask you to leave everything and run to bible school. But then again, i may be wrong. God is one unpredictable God. Prayer... time will come when you must act, and he will never let you go any other way thatn his way, if you are faithful in walking with him.
When that time comes, you will have the peace in your heart, no worries, all joy... and you will know its the right time. God will change your heart. Trust that!
praying for you!
Alex
=D
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